romanticization

i can't be the only one who does this, right?

as an introvert, i tend to be one that sits back and observes, rather than one that's outspoken. as a result, i'm usually not involved in many conversations, especially those who i am interested in getting to know better. as a result, my judgment of them is up to observation, rather than spoken word.

romanticization: describing in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; making something seem more appealing than it really is.

among many struggles of being extremely introverted, this one is probably the most emotionally taxing, in the instances that it does occur. i've been experiencing this feeling recently. there's this one person that i really want to get to know more, but i'll never have the courage to start a conversation with. instead, i've been imagining scenarios in my head, and taking the limited information i know about them and interpreting them in a way that paints them in a light that i would feel is perfectly compatible with me.

those that know me would probably say that i'm emotionless. those that know me well would say that i'm not. in these cases in which i feel abnormally attracted with a person, or my idea of said person, it consumes my mind, and i feel so strongly about them. and since i want to keep up my image, as an emotionless person that's hard to find flaws in because they don't put themselves out there, nobody knows about it. as a result, they exist permanently in my head.

i have a problem, and that's that i care too much, which is the root cause of why i don't actively seek opportunities to meet new people, because i don't want to let them down or reveal my emotional volatility. and because of that, i keep it all bottled up, falling for the idea of her instead of getting to know who she really is.