possibly my senior year defining moment lol

if, for whatever reason you wanted to experience what covid feels like, you can live vicariously through me.

saturday, january 15th: my sister performed at a chinese cultural festival for lunar new year. i went out to play basketball the same day by myself. there was a team practicing, but they were very far away, and were all wearing masks.

sunday, january 16th: i had a runny nose, and developed a slight fever. the thought of covid crossed my mind, but it couldn't be right? there was no source. it just seemed like a common cold.

tuesday, january 18th: my sister began to show covid-like symptoms. was it from the performance? was my cold more serious than i thought it was?

thursday, january 20th: got covid tested.

saturday, january 22nd: results. my sister: positive. me: negative. however, there was not a second of relief.

earlier that morning: i woke up. and immediately i was certain this was it. i knew what i had now was significantly worse than what i had before. if i had a common cold, these conditions were ten times the magnitude. a combination of barely eating for the past couple of days and a viral contagion. i woke up feeling terrible. and despite the negative test, i knew the truth. i had covid.

i remember waking up one morning, sophomore year, reading the news. i remember leaving second period journalism and telling my friends during break about this supposed "coronavirus" outbreak that began in china. joking about it. no way we could have foreseen such a widespread outbreak. but ignorant as i was, my actions that day would not affect what led up to today.

i'd say i was fairly responsible. i thought that by getting vaccinated, always wearing my mask, barely ever going outside, hell, barely ever having direct contact with anybody outside of my family, i would not get infected. i was wrong. but to place blame is a waste of time, you can't escape reality.

i thought maybe a shower would make me feel better. or so i thought. as soon as i stepped in, i knew something was seriously wrong. i had explored canada's glaciers, i had run in 40 degree rain wearing a t-shirt and shorts, but never once in my life had i felt this cold.

i shivered furiously. the hot water scalded my skin to no avail. and my legs finally gave out. i fell to the floor. a convulsing mess in scorching water.

i had to will myself out eventually. after elongated swearing and struggling, i elevated myself into a straddled stance and used every last ounce of resolve to will myself into my bed. it didn't end there.

i wrapped myself in blankets. oh, it was so hot. beads of sweat formed upon my forehead. yet, on the interior i was still so cold. i don't know how to explain it. i was freezing, yet on fire. any small breeze through my window sent chills down my body. i lay motionless. in my bed. for eighteen hours.

my throat was so dry. i was hungry. my head was spinning. all i had the previous day was a bowl of porridge with 肉鬆. yet i could not get out of bed. every effort i made to sit up, was shot down in seconds. i was so dizzy, so cold, so spiritless. it was like sleep paralysis, but i could still move. like i suddenly became anemic with no cause.

honestly, i never expected it to be this bad. i had read accounts of vaccinated individuals getting covid and the stories never seemed as severe as mine. in fact, i had even thought at some points that getting covid would be a nice break from school. clearly, these notions were ill-informed.

honestly, after taking the entire week off after semester break, i was ready to come back to school after ten days off. but after saturday morning, i knew i wouldn't be returning for at least another week.

everything seems more appealing when you don't have it.

stay safe, kids.