Music as classical conditioning

One of the lowlights of Grad Night was the god awful music choice. To me, music is one of the greatest forms of capturing emotions. I really like to remember beautiful moments, events or people through songs that I feel capture the essence well.

It's kind of like classical conditioning, where initially both the song and the experience or person have their own separate meaning. But when a once-neutral song is paired with a certain event or individual, aural stimulation elicits a recollection of the moment or the thought of someone.

I'll give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I'm just more sentimental and have a different view of what the conclusion to high school should be compared to everyone else. Maybe whatever the hell the DJ decided to play was what the people wanted. It's just that to me, rave-like music with loud drums and a heavy bass boost is not what the final night of high school, which is supposedly an emotional, almost nostalgic night should be.

Music has the potential to be so much more than just a space filler. The right song at the right moment can make it so much more memorable, and prompt a much deeper emotional response. In fact, I have a lot of experiences attached to certain songs. I associate Tate McRae's "what would you do?" to the last day of school, when I felt extremely angry and resentful towards the world. I distinctly remember I was listening to Harry Styles' "Keep Driving," on the first day of summer when I went to the beach and saw the beautiful sunset along the horizon. When I listen to Wallows' "Remember When," I always think of the nights I would go out and run, in attempt to escape all my troubles.

I wish I could've had a song attached to Grad Night, that when I listened to it would make me remember walking down Pixar Pier, the beautiful vibrant lights, riding the Incredicoaster, praying that the ride wouldn't close on us as we were told it would be shutting down soon while we were still in line. I wish I could've had that song that reminded me of going on Toy Story Midway Mania three times in a row, saying "okay, I figured it out," and still losing every time, tiring out my triceps playing that carnival game where we had to throw foam candy corn into a cardboard cutout of Heimlich from "A Bug Life's" mouth and missing 36 times in a row collectively, until, as we were leaving, I found one more on the ground and nonchalantly sent it rocketing clean through the hole while walking away. I wish I could've had that song that reminded me of the subpar Chili Cone Queso at Cozy Cone Motel, or the mediocre Bacon Street Dog and Coca-Cola at Award Weiners. I wish I could've had that song that reminded me of Goofy's fucking sour cherry balls that I bought at Bing Bong's Sweet Stuff thinking to myself that that name could not be real. I wish I could've had that song that took me back to the mirage-like dance of rainbow colors, and the warmth of that sky-high flame followed by a graduation cap, "Congratulations Class of 2022!"and thundering applause. Maybe that song could've been Taylor Swift's "22." But instead, I remember the shitty headbangers that the DJ played, maybe to show everyone else that he, too, was a super swag dab lit savage logang jake pauler cool kid.

Through my playlists, I aim to push my creativity to the limit through careful craftsmanship, choosing which songs to place and exactly where they belong. On top of traditional music, I've begun to weave classical music as well as film score into my playlists. Sometimes the careful attention to, and layering of more instruments, or the simplicity of a piano solo, paints the picture better than voice and accompaniment can. I also love to insert happier songs in sad contexts and vice versa, as well as cycle and transition through a variety of emotions through each playlist in order to tell the story I want to tell.

The point is, song choice wields so much power, and a huge pet peeve of mine is ruining moments by not respecting this fact. Obviously, we listen to songs because they sound good, and that's fine, as long as we aren't forcing everyone to listen to some egregiously ear-grating garbage. To demonstrate the meaning a song, or compilation of songs, can hold to me, I'll walk you through my playlist "Cinderella," which was linked in this previous post.

Cinderella

26 songs, 1 hour 35 minutes

1. Introduction

setting the tone.

22 (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

This just seemed like such an obvious choice for the track opener. Many of the top tracks from her album "Red" decorated the soundtrack of elementary school such as "I Knew You Were Trouble," "We Are Never Getting Back Together," and of course "22." And with Taylor's version releasing during our senior year, it's almost like it was made for this. It's like childhood reimagined.

Running on Raindrops (From Raya and the Last Dragon) - James Newton Howard

This is such a magical, fleeting track which I feel captures the moment very well. On top of this, it's from a Disney movie itself, which is very fitting.

we fell in love in october - girl in red

The chorus of "we fell in love in october," is what I imagine would play in the background of a nightlife montage, as the camera cuts from one sliver of moonlight to the next, to the Hollywood sign, to Christmas lights at Beverly Hills, and to the heart of Seoul.

iloveyou - BETWEEN FRIENDS

"Hot box, quiet talks, swimming pools at night/ our skin sweet, incomplete, but you know what I like." This is a romanticization of a teenage love, straight out of a coming-of-age movie.

Freaks - Surf Curse

"Freaks," was one of the candidates for the opening track of this playlist. The drumline, kind of reminiscent of the one in a-ha's "Take on Me," but slightly sped up creates a nostalgic kind of vibe, paired with the electric guitar riff. "Don't kill me/ just help me run away/

from everyone/ I need a place to stay." The people around me, they're my solace. Like, stay with me forever, I need your shelter, I want to run away with you. But obviously, we will walk our separate paths after tonight.

2. A Night to Remember

you.

more - BETWEEN FRIENDS

"I think I could use some more of you/ I don't know you but I really need to." Tonight is quite possibly my first and last night with her, but I wish it wasn't.

Keep Driving - Harry Styles

"Maple syrup, coffee/ Pancakes for two/ Hash brown, egg yolk/ I will always love you." This simplicity, yet beauty in the smallest things is what we could have, a snapshot into what the future could look like.

Sofia - Clairo

"Baby, you don't gotta fight, I'll be here 'til the end of time/ Wishin' that you were mine, pull you in, it's alright." You don't have to do a single thing. I'll be here for you forever and ever.

Lost in You - khai dreams

"And here we go, I/ Never really know why/ I can't let it go/ But you give me so much hope/ So I gotta keep you close/ Yeah, you're givin' the most/ And I never know/ No, I never know why/ All the silly things we hide/ Just to keep our peace of mind." I know I shouldn't feel this way. I don't want to feel this way either, yet I can't shake the feeling.

Daylight - Harry Styles

"I'm on the roof, you're in your airplane seat... If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you." Soon, it'll be over, and even though I would choose to be with you if I could, I know it isn't realistic moving forward.

Fallin' All In You - Shawn Mendes

"You are bringing out a different kind of me/ There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free/ Falling all in you." But I've fallen so deep into you, there's no coming back.

Amoeba - Clairo

"I'll convince myself when it turns to 12/ The photos keep the sentiment" Am I putting my energy, my heart and my head in the right place? Love always sounds so stupid.

Best Part - Daniel Caesar, H.E.R.

"You're the coffee that I need in the morning/ You're my sunshine in the rain when it's pouring/ If life is a movie/ Oh you're the best part." Still, you seem so perfect.

3. Goodbye

everything comes to a close.

Bookstore Girl - Charlie Burg

"Then you left down the stairs/ Follow you I wouldn't dare/ I accepted my fate/ That I'd never see your face again/ Oh bookstore girl, I wonder what your name is/ You know you're famous in my group of friends/ Oh bookstore girl, I feel a sudden urge to/ Purchase the book you shelved the other day." I'll never see you again, but I have this longing feeling.

Fantasy - khai dreams

"And did I ever get to tell you what you meant to me? And did you know that you were always like a fantasy?" If I ever get the chance, I'd tell you everything.

betty - Taylor Swift

"Yeah, I showed up at your party/ Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch/ In front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only 17, I don't know anything/ But I know I miss you." If I show up again, what would come of it? Will you remember me?

august - Taylor Swift

"For me, it was enough/ To live for the hope of it all." Just this one idea of us was enough to leave a bitter high school experience in the past and end on a high note.

evermore - Taylor Swift, Bon Iver

"I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone/ Trying to find the one where I went wrong." Maybe if things were different, maybe if I acted differently there wouldn't be this sense of regret.

Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor

"Don't go, you're half of me now/ But I'm hardly stood proud/ I said it, almost." I wish I said the words I wanted to say. I wish I did the things I wanted to do. "It was heaven a moment ago/ Oh, I had it almost/ We had it almost." Then maybe it could've been real.

champagne problems - Taylor Swift

"Because I dropped your hand while dancing/ Left you out there standing." I was too afraid to commit. Partially because I was scared, partially because I didn't want the darkness of reality to impede the perceived perfection. You'll find someone better who isn't as fucked as I am.

Lookalike - Conan Gray

"Let's go back to the summer night/ When we met eyes, it's like a movie line." I wish I could relive that night. It felt so perfect. "But now you're laying in another guy's arms/ 'Cause I'm all gone/ But when you look in his eyes/ Do you think of mine?" You'll inevitably find someone else, but I hope you remember me at least a little bit.

I Guess That Was Goodbye - Lyn Lapid

"But I guess Mr. Clock was just doing his job/ And it's nobody's fault, but I wish it was/ Swear I was just on the pavement/ Laying down while someone traces me/ Watching the sky, I thought I had more time/ What a lie, I guess that was goodbye/ I guess that was goodbye." I wish I had more time with you before you left.

running down - juhye, melatonin boy

"Old conversations stuck in my head/ Don't wanna live with regrets/ If I hold you now/ Would I lose you forever?" We have so little time left, but if I move too fast, won't I lose it all too?

Glimpse of Us - Joji

"'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes/ And that's where I find a glimpse of us/ And I try to fall for her touch/ But I'm thinking of the way it was/ Said I'm fine and said I moved on/ I'm only here passing time in her arms/ Hoping I'll find/ A glimpse of us." I don't know how to get over you. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over you.

Footnote - Conan Gray

"So I'll just take a footnote in your life/ And you could take my body/ Every line I would write for you/ But a footnote will do/ A footnote will do." I'll just be that one person you met that one time. But you'll be my everything.

4. Good things fall apart

In this section, I re-referenced three songs, one from each section, and in reverse order. I picked slowed, sadder songs as after the night ends, there's nothing left and each of these three tracks conveys a sense of emptiness. Here, I imagine laying in the grass, staring at the moon and stars, looking for any reassurance, but finding none.

Glimpse of Us (slowed + reverb)

I'll never forget you,

Sofia (slowed + reverb)

Goodbye,

Freaks (slowed + muffled echo)

And I guess, thank you.

My head is filled with parasites

Black holes cover up my eyes

I dream of you almost every night

Hopefully I won't wake up this time

Nothing is ever perfect.