i dreamt of heartbreak

two days ago, i dreamed a dream. it was a very memorable dream, a very different dream. usually the dreams that i remember are the disturbing ones. the ones that i think back about and creep me out. the ones that i wish i never had. but this dream was different, it was a dream that hit very close to home. a dream that i felt represented me as an infp. as myself. as a hopeless romantic. a dreamer. idealistic. infatuated. longing.

it began with an emotion i experience far too often, sadness. in turn, this drew me towards nature, which always embraced me with open arms at my darkest hours. this dream takes place in a mountain, one with a winding pathway up, and a small cavern near the top.

i began my hike. a long journey to the top of the mountain, with nothing but me and my thoughts. i think a lot. i spend so much time in my head that reality is oftentimes depressing. as i neared the summit, it began to rain. and as nature had embraced me so many times before, i embraced it as i sat, head between knees at the peak of the mountain, comforted by the rain.

there, i thought. i thought of how my life had come to this position. i thought of why i was so lonely, so sad. i thought about what i should’ve done differently, what i should’ve said differently. i dreamt about love. i dreamt about her. i hoped that someone would just come into my life and save me from the dumpster fire that was my life.

and from the dark of night appeared a very distinct face. one that i would’ve never expected. raechel.

i had a small crush on raechel for a short period of time, or rather i was infatuated with her, captivated by the idea of love. i had conjured dozens of scenarios with her in my head to the point where i had my own version of her, whether it were reality or not. i hadn’t really thought of raechel too much recently, and i thought i had moved on. to me, raechel was a perfect girl, and this dream reminded me why i believed so.

without saying a word, raechel carefully stepped towards me, and silently hugged me. such a simple act, yet one that touched me so deeply. i could feel her warmth, radiating in the dead of night. i felt solace in her presence. i felt that for the first time in my life someone actually cared. at that moment, i felt fulfilled. like life was worth living. like there was nothing better in the world than being with her. just a hug. a simple act.

just when i thought it couldn’t get any more perfect, she uttered three words. three very simple words. three words that i will never forget. three words that will haunt me forever. three words she whispered as she pulled away. three words that broke my heart.

“that was weird.”

i awoke, my heart shattered.